By Dr. Leonard A. Lado, MD, ABPN
Whenever something is important to those we love, we direct our energy toward creating the perfect experience for them. But often there are elements out of our control — including finances, past and present relationships, health, and current events — that interfere with our vision of the perfect holiday season.
When we set high expectations, we can feel stressed and unhappy when we don’t meet them. We may feel as if we have let down the people we love most. Realistic expectations are the key to happiness year-round, but especially during the busy holiday season. Make it a priority to spend time with those you love over focusing on the details.
Don’t try to recreate ‘perfect’ holidays from years past. People change, and holidays can change right along with them. Make every season new and special in its way. Reflect on the “lessons learned” from dealing with the pandemic and bring that sense of meaning into the holiday time.
Don’t take too much on yourself. It’s a good idea to delegate and let people help. Ask your children to decorate the front yard with Christmas lights and give them free rein on how they want to do it. Ask your dinner guests to each bring a favorite dish over the holidays and share stories about those dishes. Enlist your partner’s help in wrapping presents. Even if it’s not done perfectly, it’s something you can do together, and you’ll be done in half the time.
Be gracious when dealing with uncomfortable events or relationships. We can only take responsibility for ourselves. Our friends, family, and loved ones also have this responsibility. We don’t have control over their choices or if they don’t choose what we think is “right.” This is where grace comes in. Focus on the people, the relationships, and the time-limited nature of the holiday season.
Accept some moments of stress and negativity that can come up. It’s not realistic to think that the holiday season will be completely stress-free. The reality is that life is going on around us all the time. When difficult situations arise, acknowledge your feelings, try to be patient with yourself and others, and refocus your mind on the bigger picture: what you’re truly grateful for this holiday season.
During the holidays there is a desire to go above and beyond to make everyone else happy. Don’t lose yourself by taking on too much. Making sure we are setting boundaries during the holidays can be good for maintaining our mental health and staying positive. Boundary setting entails taking ownership of what you can and cannot do and being able to no to the things that overwhelm and stress you.
Identify what you are comfortable with and stick to that. Put a calendar in a visible place and as those appointments and boxes start to fill in, prioritize what makes you and your family the happiest. Sounds easy enough, but how can we put boundary setting into practice? Open and honest communication early on can be the necessary step toward a happy holiday.
It can feel great to host grandparents, extended family, or friends during the holidays, but having visitors in your home can also throw your normal routine off schedule. Suddenly, your kids are getting more screen time than you’d typically allow, bedtime has shifted to an unseemly hour and the children are getting late-night treats from grandma. Parents will need to set boundaries with visitors. Sometimes you must set boundaries with your parents to keep the boundaries you have established for your children in place.
Talk with your guests ahead of time so there aren’t any surprises when they arrive. Let them know what the schedule is going to look like and why that is in place. Saying why something is important sometimes gets missed in the conversation but explaining the reasoning can help make sure the boundary is upheld. Think about what anticipated issues may come up so you can start talking about them. If your child is on a schedule, parents, and grandparents, and all guests in your home need to know up front and respect that boundary.
It’s never too early to start teaching children how to set their own boundaries. On the note of hosting guests, just because someone is a relative or staying in your home does not mean physical touch boundaries change. Do not try to force things or tell children they must hug or kiss someone just because you do. Children need to be in control of their own bodies. Ensure your child understands what consent means and that they know you will support them if they don’t want to hug someone. If a child isn’t comfortable with a person, respect that and make sure they know you support them.
At Lado Healing Institute, you can find a team of medical professionals dedicated to the best possible patient care. Dr. Leonard A. Lado, MD, is the Founder and Medical Director of Lado Healing Institute is a board-certified Psychiatrist serving the population of Marco Island, Fort Myers, Naples, and Southwest Florida, since 2002. He and his team would be honored to help you and your loved one as you walk the difficult road of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. Dr. Leonard Lado, MD, is partners with multiple nursing homes in Florida. Call our office to see if he is a partner with the facility your loved one resides to be evaluated at 239.948.4328. Their website is also filled with information about the services they offer and about their team of professionals. Visit their page at www.ladohealingpeople.com or email them for information at email@ladomd.com.
Leonard A. Lado, MD, ABPN
9410 Fountain Medical Ct.
Suite 200
Bonita Springs, FL, 34135
239-948-4325
www.Ladomd.com