By Dr. Mary Nuosce
February is National Heart Month. The focus is taking care of your cardiovascular health, which is something we should be doing every day. The heart is more than a muscle that pumps blood through our body. Pop culture says the heart is the epicenter of a powerful feeling: love.
Ahhh….that feeling of love. Your day is brighter. Your smile is bigger. You have butterflies in your stomach. And if you’re a cartoon character, your heart thumps outside of your chest and your eyes turn into red hearts. In today’s world of text messages, emoji’s express love with heart-shaped eyes and heart circling around its head.
While all of this is great, what is love? It’s a question that has been posed for centuries, and to this day, there is no one, definitive answer. Along the way, however, psychologists have defined types of love. In 1973, psychologist John Lee published a book, The Colors of Love, suggesting there are three primary styles of love.
The first is Eros, a Greek word meaning passionate or erotic. Lee said that this type of love engages both emotional and physical passion. Ludos, Greek for game, is the second type, and like it suggests, is playful and fun, but not serious. The third is called Storge, which is Greek for natural affection. This would be like the love parents have for their children.
Psychologist Elaine Hatfield and colleagues stated that there are two types of love: compassionate and passionate. Compassionate love is comprised of mutual respect, affection, and trust. This type of love typically develops due to a shared respect for one another. Passionate love is all about emotions, including sexual attraction, anxiety and affection. This type of love isn’t long-lasting. Ideally, passionate love leads to compassionate love.
There is a difference between being in love and loving someone. Being in love is all about those early, euphoric feelings. You may idealize the person, focusing on the positive and overlooking any negative signs. Loving a partner is your ability to see and accept the person as a whole. You can be and express yourself, and feel secure in doing so. Likewise, your partner can do the same. Loving someone means you both have developed a deep connection and sense of trust.
Those initial, intense feelings will lessen over time, but that doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. Long-term love is about commitment and maintaining that bond. Remember all the things you did at the start of your relationship and keep doing those things. It can be as simple as sending a loving text message, being affectionate and having fun together.
Take care of your heart, both physically and emotionally.
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Dr. Mary Nuosce, LMHC, NCC, is a core faculty member for Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Hodges University.
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