Southwest Florida's Health and Wellness Magazine Health and Wellness Articles
By Richard J. Capiola, MD
Going back-to-school is an exciting time for many children, and some parents. For some children however, it also stirs up stress and anxiety. Are they going to like their new teacher? Are they going to enjoy their new school? Are their friends going to be in their class? Do they have the cool new shoes, or did they pick the wrong ones? It is normal for children of all ages to experience anxiety when separating from parents or caregivers. If you child is changing schools, don’t gloss over their feelings of anxiety and stress. Even changing from one building to another, like the change from an elementary school to a middle school, or the change from middle school to high school, even when most of your classmates are going to with you can be very stressful. Leaving high school for college, even if you will still be living at home is (hopefully) one of the most exciting and yet stressful events a young person will face for their age.
Dealing with stress and anxiety is part of parenting. It’s common and necessary for people to talk with their children experiencing separation anxiety and life stage changes. When children experience more intense fears and anxieties that interfere with going to school or are over a prolonged period, or that interfere with how they function at school and/or how they interact with others, this is what psychiatrists call separation anxiety disorder. Separation anxiety disorder is the most common anxiety disorder in children under 12 years of age. Anxiety can affect even the happiest, most well-adjusted children.
Separation anxiety can unfold in different ways. Children may refuse to go to school or participate in new activities in the absence of their parent. They may also refuse to go to bed without their parent or sleep away from home. Some children experiencing separation anxiety have physical symptoms such as stomach aches and nightmares, while others may experience headaches or a racing heartbeat. Others may have persistent thoughts that something bad is going to happen to themselves or to their parents. At this point it is advisable to seek professional help.
Strategies to help you and your child have a successful School Start
Whether you know your child has struggled significantly with anxiety before, or they seem worried or anxious about going back to school, we offer several strategies below to help you navigate these feelings with them.
• Validate your child’s fears and anxieties. Feeling anxious about separating from the comfort of caregivers is a normal response to stressful events. When children express anxiety, let them know you hear them and understand. You can validate and normalize their feelings by saying: “I get that you feel worried. I bet many other kids are feeling that way too. Let’s talk about it.” Let your child lead the conversation. This may not be a onetime conversation. Feelings may come out in small doses. Always be ready to listen and validate.
• Encourage positive self-talk. Help children develop a growth mindset that includes positive and productive statements such as: “I am brave, I can do this.” Positive self-talk has been linked to increased self-esteem in kids. Try practicing this at home well before the first trip to school. Make self-talk familiar and routine. Then it will be easier for kids to use these statements when they are separated from you or get anxious at school.
• Plan to take small steps through the fall. It is a lot to ask children to go from limited social interactions during the summer to extended social interactions in a small space at school. During the first few weeks of school, try to resist the temptation to fill the evening weekends with outings and events. Consider doing home-based activities that children are familiar with to help provide some consistency in their environment. As your children get more comfortable with social interactions, start progressively adding more activities to their calendar as time permits.
• Stick to routines. The transition to a new school climate may feel unpredictable to children. This can result in increased anxiety. One way to reduce such anxiety is by having consistent routines at home. For example, stick to a consistent schedule when it comes to eating, bath time, screen time and bedtime. Research has found this has helped children experience more well-being during the pandemic. So, keep that momentum going!
• Talk about the positive aspects of going to school and venturing out in new ways. Children and adults can have a hard time seeing the positive aspects of anxiety-inducing situations. Parents can help children see the positive side of the back-to-school, including learning new things, time with friends or participating in extracurricular activities.
• Model positive behaviors. Children are not the only ones that have seen an increase in their anxiety these past two years. There have also been rises in parental anxiety as well. Even with respect to school, many parents may also be anxious about being separated from their child. When parents discuss their anxiety and stressors, children may internalize these worries. Try to avoid discussing your life stressors in front of your child. And for goodness sakes, avoid exposure to alarming media, which has been shown to increase children’s anxiety. If you think the world news stresses you out, imagine what all that negativity can do to a child!
If you have questions about whether your child could benefit from additional support, you can consider reaching out for professional help, including talking to your family physician. Dr. Richard J. Capiola is a psychiatrist in Naples, Florida and is affiliated with Willough at Naples Hospital. He received his medical degree from Tulane University School of Medicine and has been in practice for more than 20 years. Call Dr. Capiola today at 239-649-7494.
