While many of the reactions to a significant loss are common among all groups of people, those who identify as members of an LGBTQ+ community often must deal with additional stressors related to their grief. In response, Avow’s Center for Grief Support offers a new weekly discussion group for LGBTQ+ people to share their grief journeys in a welcoming and accepting environment. The group meets on Friday mornings at 10:00 AM on Avow’s campus in central Naples.
“Despite a positive trend in attitudes about people who are not straight, it is still true that LGBTQ+ citizens in the US are disenfranchised by too many individuals, systems, institutions, and programs,” says Rita Ruggles, MSW, manager of Avow’s adult bereavement services. “This can be especially painful when someone is grieving the loss of a partner or relationship that many in society refuse to acknowledge as legitimate, legal, and deeply meaningful. While their straight friends and relatives are embraced and supported during a period of loss, LGBTQ+ people often don’t feel comfortable even openly acknowledging that their relationship exists. That isolation from social norms and traditional sources of support can be devastating and can lengthen and complicate how someone comes to healthful terms with such overwhelming loss.”
The group is facilitated by Avow bereavement volunteer Judy Gaffney, who understands the underlying biases and prejudices that many LGBTQ+ people face in their daily lives. “Many of the people in our group have experienced rejection from their biological families, friends, religious institutions and workplaces simply for acknowledging their natural sexual orientation or gender identity,” says Gaffney. “Some cannot even speak of the loving partnership they have enjoyed for years or decades. When society won’t even recognize that non-straight relationships are valid, equal, and worthy, those who are LGBTQ+ can feel stranded and alone in their grief. We are here to put an end to that isolation and to offer unconditional support to LGBTQ+ people grieving a loss.”
“We want to make sure that group participants feel welcome, that they don’t have to wonder what straight, cis-gendered people in the group may think about their sexuality, relationships, or loss. We talk about how other negative realities common to this community – such as discrimination, rejection, and lack of legal equity with the straight/cis community – can deepen and color their loss of a loving relationship. There is no judgment here.”
Mike Dias, volunteer for Avow and Naples Pride, agrees that open visibility in the group is essential to its success. “Our community has experienced decades of discrimination and exclusion,” he explains. “Many of us lived through the early years of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, when we lost so many friends and ‘chosen family’ members. We experienced such tremendous grief and fear yet were isolated and mocked. That experience still colors our need to be visible, to be comfortable in settings where we can be vulnerable and honest without fearing aggression or discrimination against us.”
Gaffney says the group commonly discusses the death loss of a partner or loved one but invites participants to talk about other topics such as losing relationships during a gender transition or when coming out to family and friends. “Grief is not confined to the loss of a partner,” Gaffney says. “We talk about whatever is on our participants’ minds, with the goal of helping everyone come to terms with their feelings so they can build an authentic, rewarding life.”
Avow, a palliative care, hospice, and grief support nonprofit agency operating for 40 years in Collier County, has earned a platinum credential in the SAGECare cultural competency training from Sage, an organization for advocacy and services for LGBTQ+ elders. The Avow campus, near the intersection of Pine Ridge Road and exit 107 of the I-75 Interstate, is a safe space for those who identify as LGBTQ+.
Those interested in attending the LGBTQ+ support group should contact Gaffney at Judy.Gaffney@avowcares.org.
To learn more about any Avow service, call (239) 280-2288, or visit avowcares.org.