Provided by Charlotte Behavioral Health Care
It’s that time of year when families and friends come together to participate in many festive activities that bring laughter and joy during the holiday season. It could be sipping egg nog and listening to traditional Christmas carols or joining together for a delicious meal and enjoying grandma’s freshly baked apple pie.
For individuals navigating through the loss of a loved one, these moments may create an overwhelming emotional response of sadness, despite how innocent they may appear to others. Grief is a complex, individual journey. It doesn’t follow a set timeline, and the holiday season can heighten its intensity. One struggling with grief may push others away and could show signs of anger and aggression towards others. It is important to understand that their emotional response is a projection of their pain being displayed and is not necessarily directed towards the family member attempting to engage the one struggling with grief.
According to Derick Duston, clinical director of mental health services at Charlotte Behavioral Health Care, emotional triggers and/or a trauma reminder is any form of sight, touch, smell, and sound that could prompt an emotional response or memory.
As planning for the upcoming season unfolds, it is important to prioritize your mental health and set clear expectations and boundaries as you navigate through your healing journey.
Here are six tips for you or a loved one who may experience grief during the holidays:
1. Allow self-compassion. It’s also okay to not attend a holiday event. It’s okay to not answer the phone. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel the emotions. Grief is a natural emotion to experience.
2. Recognize self needs. Are you attending an event for you or are you attending an event for others? How do you feel if you put your needs aside by placing others’ needs as the priority?
3. Allow others to help.
4. Help others. Donate time at a food shelter, help wrap gifts at a toy drive, or offer to read at an assisted living facility. Evidence shows that when helping others we in turn feel good about being able to help others.
5. If you do attend holiday events, develop a plan in the event emotions become overwhelming. Having a plan in place could help alleviate and/or decrease any anxiousness in attending the event.
6. Be aware of what you can handle at any given moment. Check in with yourself five minutes before an event to verify you are ready. Prepare your calendar in advance by setting expectations for yourself and maintaining the boundaries. If you only plan to attend one event in the holiday, provide that awareness that you are already scheduled for an event if an invite is presented to another event.
If you are a friend or family member of someone who is experiencing grief, it is important to offer support. Any gesture is recognized and will help during this friend or family member’s grief process. It is critical to also understand and respect their boundaries if they find the need to leave an event early or decline an invitation.
“The pain of grief does not change, but the intensity will lessen over time as one develops coping skills, healthy connections with others, and re-engages in previous or new activities. If one continues to experience overwhelming emotions of sadness, anger, and loneliness lasting greater than 12 months, one may be experiencing prolonged grief. The intense emotions, if not addressed could increase in intensity. However, with professional counseling, the journey could be collaboratively worked through on the path to recovery,” Duston said.
With the festivities just around the corner, remember that your mental health should be a top priority. Acknowledge your emotions, seek support, and allow yourself to create new traditions and practice self-care. Healing is a personal journey, and it’s entirely okay to grieve during the holidays. Take it one day at a time and be gentle with yourself as you honor your loved one’s memory and work toward healing.
To learn more about grief or to seek help, visit the following resources: www.hospicefoundation.org/Grief-(1)/Support-Groups or https://www.griefshare.org/countries/us/states/fl/cities/punta_gorda