By Rick Weber
Rebecca Johnson works with many clients who are deeply capable, resilient and caring—and yet they are completely spent.
This pattern has shown her over the years how misunderstood self-care is.
“We are chronically emotionally exhausted, and what many understand about self-care is just not enough because it only addresses surface-level concerns and tension,” says Johnson, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), private practice owner, and adjunct faculty member for the Clinical Mental Health Counseling Program at Florida Gulf Coast University’s Marieb College of Health & Human Services.
“We tend to blame ourselves when we collapse and burn out. In reality, we have been operating in an unsustainable way for years. I think that reframing self-care can reduce the shame and at the same time empower people to make choices that are healthier and maintainable.”
She defines self-care as the intentional practice of protecting and taking care of one’s relational, mental and emotional well-being. Rest, comfort and fun are very important, but true self-care involves aligning your decisions and actions with your authentic self—who you really are and what is important to you—in order to nourish your future self. In other words, choosing the harder, healthier path now to support lasting well-being.
“One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that this goes beyond bubble baths and spa days,” she says. “These things are nice and enjoyable, but the exhaustion remains because often we are depleted at a deeper level due to chronic self-neglect. I love that I get to help people move from survival mode to sustainable emotional health.”
Surface-level self-care has its place, but for many people, true self-care may require going deeper. That involves:
Setting boundaries.
“Setting boundaries means recognizing personal limits and communicating them clearly, kindly and consistently. In practice, this looks like saying no, reducing overcommitment or limiting emotional access to people or situations that are draining.
Boundaries protect energy and prevent resentment. For instance, saying no to additional responsibilities when your schedule is already full, rather than pushing yourself past your limits. Another example of boundaries related to self-care would be choosing not to engage in conversations that become critical, manipulative or emotionally overwhelming. And last, but not least, setting clear expectations around availability with family, friends or coworkers instead of being ‘on’ all the time.”
Tending to emotional well-being.
“Tending to emotional well-being involves regularly checking in with yourself, noticing emotional signals and responding with self-compassion rather than judgment. It means paying attention to how you’re feeling, rather than pushing emotions aside or minimizing them. Acknowledge stress, overwhelm and emotional fatigue at the onset, but then respond with care instead of avoidance or self-criticism. Tending to emotional well-being in the form of self-care is about taking your emotional signals seriously and not constantly pushing through or telling yourself you should be fine. Pause when overwhelm hits, create space to reflect or journal, step away from stimulation to process what you’re feeling. You can also reach out for support when your emotions feel heavy, rather than assuming you should handle everything on your own.”
Preventing burnout.
“Burnout isn’t about just being tired. It is mental and emotional exhaustion. This exhaustion builds over time when there is chronic stress without much space to recover. Burnout prevention starts with awareness. Some signals to pay attention to are irritability, difficulty concentrating and a sense of emotional numbness. These signals are trying to tell you that something needs attention. When you ignore emotional exhaustion, chronic stress or ongoing overwhelm, burnout builds little by little. Preventing burnout often means slowing down, reassessing expectations and making intentional changes before the body and mind force a stop. If you can give yourself permission to adjust expectations during a busy or emotionally demanding time instead of continuing at a pressured pace, it can help alleviate burnout.”
In her clinical work, she often sees people trying to take care of themselves, yet still feel depleted because the deeper sources of exhaustion such as heavy emotional and mental load, lack of boundaries and chronic giving beyond one’s capacity aren’t being addressed.
Self-care isn’t another thing to add to our ever-growing to-do lists, but more about protecting emotional energy, creating realistic expectations and recognizing the signals of burnout.
“Emotional energy is finite,” she says. “We only have so much to give. To protect this, it’s important to be mindful as well as intentional with where your time and energy go. Limiting emotionally draining conversations can help. We all have those situations or people in our lives that feel like they deplete our spirit. To protect your emotional energy in these types of relationships or circumstances, it is essential to limit your exposure by setting clearer relational boundaries or limits to your participation.”
She says a Licensed Mental Health Counselor can help you recognize the patterns of burnout and walk you through the process of exploring any emotional barriers that may be keeping you from establishing boundaries in your relationships, at work and in everyday life.
“Therapy is self-care because it provides not just insight but practical tools that can combat burnout,” she says. “In working with a counselor, you can explore emotional blocks around boundaries or rest and develop healthier coping strategies. Therapy can provide both insight and practical tools for managing emotions better.”
She also recommends two books: Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, PhD, and Burnout: The Cost of Caring by Christina Maslach, PhD.
FGCU Marieb College of Health & Human Services
10501 FGCU Boulevard South, Fort Myers, FL 33965
(239) 590-1000 | fgcu.edu